Saturday, May 23, 2009

Don't Worry, Nothing Can Hurt You*

Last week Sarah came to our bed in the middle of the night.  She had had a nightmare.  She has been doing this a lot lately and it seems like it is often around 4 a.m.  I find it interesting that the nightmares occur around the same time every night.  Is that due to her sleep cycle?  Or maybe she wakes up because she needs to use the bathroom and then becomes aware of the nightmare? 

Anyway, her nightmares seem to revolve around bugs so I was not surprised when she came running into our room, jumped into our bed and cried, "There are bugs everywhere."  Not fully awake, she crawled in bed next to me and I took her in my arms and cuddled her.  I whispered to her that she was having a bad dream and it was only her imagination.  Then I said to her, don't worry, nothing can hurt you*.  I have to put an asterisk by that statement because although I was saying it in order to soothe her, I found myself disturbed by its untruthfulness.  I immediately felt dishonest for saying it.   Of course there are things that can hurt you.  There are bugs that can hurt you.  There are people that can hurt you.  There are a lot of things that can hurt you and there was a part of me, the part that hates to lie and is overly concerned with accuracy, that wanted to clarify that statement to her.  But I suppose in raising a child, especially one at that age, it isn't the truth that I was trying to protect, it was her innocence.  As I was holding her in my arms I kept thinking about those things that could hurt her and it made me hold her even more tightly.   

Her nightmare continued to make her whimper and toss.  Finally, although still mostly asleep, she sat up in bed and said that she was going back to her room because this room was just "too buggy".  I was a bit relieved since throughout this episode, I had a Sammy clinging to the other side of me and was starting to feel a bit claustrophobic.  She crawled to the edge of the bed and groggily peered over asking if she could make it back to her room without stepping on any bugs.  I reminded her it was just her imagination and, with my asterisk tucked neatly in my head, I told her nothing can hurt her.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

More Pictures of the Kids

As requested, here are some newer pictures of the kids.



Sarah and Sam hiding in the corner while playing hide-and-seek with Mommy Deb.



Sam rocking with his Penquin




Sarah taking her own picture



Sarah at the dinner table



Sam drooling at the dinner table.










Sunday, January 4, 2009

The Ultimate Pack Rat

I got a bill in the mail from my local fertility clinic. You see, I still have one vial of sperm from the anonymous donor I used to conceive Sarah and Sam. And for storing this lone vial, the fertility clinic is charging me $250 a year. Now, I am 99.99999% sure – no, I think I can actually say 100% sure that we are not going to have another child. Why then, am I so reluctant to dispose of this last vial of sperm? I have never wanted more than two children and neither has Deb. There is something to be said for one child per parent. I mean really, what if the children were to revolt – at least our numbers would be equal. Also, another kid means a bigger car, possibly a bigger house and more college tuition. So, yes, two children is the limit. The answer seems obvious – destroy the sperm and save $250. But then why do I keep shuffling the fertility clinic bill to the bottom of the pile to save for later? I think it is the finality of the disposal that is stopping me. It is akin to having Deb, if she were a male, get a vasectomy. It’s the end of my uterus as I know it and I don’t feel fine.

Okay, maybe I am making this into a bigger decision than it really is. Yes, I realize I could destroy the sperm and, if we were ever to change our minds, we could always find another donor. But in my mind, destroying the sperm is an acquiescence that my child bearing years are over, done with, fini. And that means that menopause is right around the corner. So the question becomes, is it worth it to spend $250 to feel young?

I think $250 is a lot of money to charge for storing one little vial. Yes, I know the fertility clinic is incurring costs for keeping the sperm on ice, but really $250?? I think the fertility clinic is taking advantage of mothers and mother-wannabes and their biological clocks. I have to wonder how much of the $250 goes to actual cost and how much of that is pure profit. I suppose the clinic has to figure out some way to pay for the fancy framed Italian prints in the examining rooms and the Williams-Sonoma hand soap in the restrooms. But again $250?? That is the same as a trip to the grocery store and to Target.

I did have the thought of showing up at the fertility clinic with an igloo cooler in hand and reclaiming that last vial of sperm so I can store it in our freezer along side Sam’s placenta that we still haven’t planted under a tree. At least if the sperm were in my house, I could save money and I can be in control of my own dwindling fertility.

Friday, December 26, 2008

Rejected Christmas Card Pictures

Our good friends once again took our pictures for our Christmas card. Thanks Paige and Jay! Here are the pictures that for various reasons were not used in our Christmas card.


This is Sam's debonair, David Niven-like GQ pose.

I feel like this is something the Brady Bunch would do.


Oops, looking at the wrong camera.


Having trouble getting Sammy to be still. Deb is holding Clara cat.


Abbie dog is cut-off and Sam is ready to leave.


Good one of Sam.


Another good one, some crusties showing on his nose.


Sarah kissing the penguin. Very cute.


Another cute one of Sarah.


Yet another Sarah picture.


We were trying the train pose, but Sammy had other ideas.


Sarah looking very bored.


Sammy being uncooperative.


My little man with his finger up his nose.

The Stockings Were Hung by the Chimney with Care

For several days before Christmas, Deb and I spent the evenings after the kids went to bed wrapping presents and preparing for Christmas. It struck me while we were doing this how much work Christmas can be for parents of young children. We have to be careful to buy all of the presents in secret, well, at least we can’t buy them in front of Sarah. I don’t think Sam is that aware of what we buy (or is he?). While we were wrapping we would survey the equity of the presents. After all, we do have a little girl who constantly walks around proclaiming, ‘that’s not fair’, at the drop of a hat. I could just imagine Sarah going through the stockings and seeing that Sam had something she didn’t. And how does a parent determine equity when it comes to gifts? Kids don’t know price, so the best way is by size and quantity. So the kid’s stockings were definitely hung with care. Care as in equal weight and size. The presents from Santa were also prepared with care. Not only equal in number and relative size but also care was taken with using a special wrapping paper that the kids have never seen or used on any of the other non-Santa presents. Okay, maybe we are being too careful, but kids, even young kids, can be very perceptive. And I didn’t want to answer the questions, ‘why does Santa use the same wrapping paper that we used for Grammy’s present?’ I want to keep my children’s dream of Santa alive as long as possible. My neighbor was telling me that her 4-yr old is already questioning Santa’s existence and saying how he can’t possibly deliver presents to every kid in the world.

On Christmas Eve, Sarah and I sprinkled the special reindeer food (oats and glitter) that she made in preschool on our sidewalk so that it would attract Santa’s sleigh. We also checked NORAD Santa tracker to see that Santa was indeed on his way. He was in South America at the time, inching ever closer to our home. Both kids had much trouble falling asleep. Sarah knew full well that Santa only comes when we are asleep, which made it even more difficult for her to fall asleep. I could just tell her mind was racing, thinking and dreaming about all the possibilities. This is the first year that Sarah really comprehends Santa. Well, comprehends Santa in a 3-yr old way – Santa means presents. I am not quite sure why Sammy had trouble failing asleep, but my only explanation is that he is really in tune with Sarah. But the kids did finally fall asleep and Deb and I finished our preparation so that Santa could come to our house.

On Christmas morning, I lingered in bed while Sarah, Sam and Deb crept downstairs. I could hear from my bedroom Sarah’s excitement and I heard her say, ‘Santa came!’ They started to go through their stockings. Sam was a bit disinterested and wandered over to the tree where he started to rip wrapping paper off of the presents. I figured it was time for me to come down and join the party. The unwrapping began. It was a fairly orderly process as the kids took turns with the occasional present for Mommy or Mama. It is amazing how well behaved kids can be when they have a pile of presents in front of them. All the time and effort put into this moment, and it was over in a matter of minutes. Another successful Christmas! The kids were happy. Sarah was happy with all her gifts but was especially interested in the Diego video that Sam gave her for Christmas. So we popped that in the DVD player so that we could clean up and make breakfast. Sam also enjoyed all his presents but the last one he opened, the one from Santa was his favorite, and it has barely left his side since he opened it. He received a kids’ Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner. Sam has a fascination with vacuum cleaners. He tries desperately to use our vacuum but he ends up with tears of frustration because it is too heavy for him. If only we had recorded the unwrapping and his response. He was elated. After I took it out of the box, he wouldn’t let me put batteries in it. The noise of vacuum cleaners scares him. He was content with pushing it around the house as is. It was quite cute. He got very excited when I got the big vacuum cleaner out to do a little vacuuming before Christmas dinner. As I vacuumed one room, he would do the other room. I would look over at him and every once in a while he would peek at me to see how I was vacuuming. He would nod and grunt at me and I would do the same to him. Yes, a very successful Christmas indeed!

Our Christmas dinner guest list consisted of Deb’s parents, Frank and Ann, and a good friend of ours, Susan. Susan’s mom had also planned on attending, but days before Christmas, her mom fell and broke her hip. As Deb was leaving to pick up her parents for dinner, Susan arrived to say she was too exhausted to stay for dinner but wanted to leave some food she prepared for it. I knew that Susan was having a hard time dealing with her mom’s broken hip so I wished her Merry Christmas and said goodbye. I watched as she walked back to her car parked in our driveway and I saw Deb starting to back our car out of the garage. Deb stopped in front of Susan’s car and I watched Susan get out of her car and speak with Deb. At that point, I went to the kitchen to tend to Christmas dinner. I heard the front door open and in walked Susan, looking more distraught than before, and she told me that she locked her keys in the car. Her car, that is in our driveway, blocking Deb from going to pick up her parents. So I said to Susan, ‘I guess you are staying after all.’

Deb and Susan contemplated Deb driving over the neighbor’s lawn to get past Susan’s locked car in the driveway. They came and asked me my opinion. I quickly put that idea to a rest as the said neighbor would have a fit if she knew. I was wondering to myself how much a locksmith would charge on Christmas day to get into a locked car, when Susan said that she had spare keys at her house which is about a 20 minute walk, one –way, down the street. That seemed like a long time to wait for Susan to walk, in the snow, to her house, get her keys and return to our house, as Christmas dinner was almost ready and Deb’s parents were probably wondering where she was. So we collectively thought about who in the area would be home on Christmas day. We quickly came up with Fred, a retired colleague of Deb’s and someone who is familiar with Susan’s absentmindedness (this isn’t the first time Susan has locked herself out of her car or her house). So good ol’ Fred showed up 10 minutes later and took Susan to her house to get the extra set of keys. Susan returned, moved the car, and Deb was finally off to get her by now bewildered parents. I thought that would be the end of it, but Susan walked back into the house and told me that she has been persuaded to stay for dinner. Great! Although Susan does have her antics, she is a good dinner conversationalist. And since Deb’s parents are almost deaf, it is nice to have someone at the table that we can converse with.

Dinner went well. At Thanksgiving we froze half of a 22-lb turkey. We thawed and heated the turkey and it turned out to be just fine. We steamed some green beans, simmered some cranberry sauce with honey, freshly squeezed orange juice and cinnamon and served a pumpkin pie that Deb made a few days beforehand. Susan contributed a yummy sweet potato, carrot, onion mix that had a whole slew of herbs and spices that I would never have considered putting together, but it worked really well. Sam really loved the cranberry sauce and would stick his whole hand in the serving he had on his plate and then put his hand in his mouth. Sarah would only eat the turkey as she has hit her picky eater phase. This from a girl who when she was 2 yrs old ate almost a whole can of sauerkraut and has been heard to exclaim, ‘mmmmm….I love artichokes.’ Oh well, I keep telling myself it is a phase, and she will love these foods once again.

After dinner we exchanged presents with Deb’s parents which technically isn’t an exchange because Deb’s parents aren’t able to go shopping (not without lots of help and planning) so we got the presents for the kids and designated them as from Grammy and Papa. We also bought presents for Deb’s parents to give each other. This year they asked for electric toothbrushes as their new dentist has recommended it and they haven’t been able to get to a store to buy them. They were pleased with their toothbrushes and the presents we got them. At this point, Sammy started to have a melt down which was to be expected since it was almost 3 hours past his nap time. It was parent decision time. Do we try to keep Sam up and have him miss a nap, but go to bed on schedule, or do we let him nap so late and risk having him up past his bed time. We chose the latter, because he really couldn’t function anymore without some sleep. As I was putting him down to nap, I could hear Deb trying to teach her parents how to turn the electric toothbrushes on and off. I could hear the vibrating noise of the toothbrushes and Deb saying, ‘now press the bottom button to turn it off.’ And Deb’s parents asking where the button was and that they couldn’t see any button there. I would then hear a pause in the vibrating noise, but then the noise would start again. They weren’t able to press the off button hard enough to turn it off. As I repeatedly heard the toothbrush lesson and the vibrating noise, I was wondering why I hadn’t shut the door to the bedroom. Sam fell asleep and Deb’s parents gave up on the toothbrush lesson. It reminds me how difficult it is to get old and to lose your senses - to grow blind, deaf and have diminished sense of touch. Obviously products including electric toothbrushes are not made with the elderly in mind.

Shortly after that Deb returned her parents to the assisted living home and Sam woke up. Deb, Susan and I sat in chairs and watched the children play with their Christmas toys. It was finally our time to relax and we sat, chatted and nibbled on food. Christmas was over, things were beginning to return back to normal, and I was considering where to put all of the kid’s new toys. We were all exhausted, except for Sam who had the late nap and was running around with renewed energy. Deb put Sarah to bed and I put Sam to bed knowing that I got the raw deal. Sam and I were lying in bed and as soon as he finished his bottle instead of drifting off to sleep he sat straight up and chirped. Ah yes, not a sleepy boy. I, on the other hand was very exhausted, not only from the long day but I was still tired from driving four hours yesterday in semi-bad weather for Christmas with my family. Last thing I remember was waking up in the middle of the night, looking around seeing Deb and Sam asleep in bed and realizing that I still had my clothes on. I must have fallen asleep with Sam. As I contemplated getting up, changing into my pajamas, and brushing my teeth, I quickly gave up on the idea and I drifted back to sleep.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

We have been singing a lot of Christmas songs in our house lately. We even have been playing a few carols on the piano. As I sing “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” to my daughter, I can’t help but wonder if I am entertaining her or scaring her. And no, I am not referring to my voice but to the words. “He sees you when you are sleeping, he knows when you are awake.” Is Santa a stalker??? Why am I singing to my daughter that some old, fat man with a beard is watching her while she sleeps? “Up on the house-top the reindeer pause, out jumps good old Santa Claus.” Now it sounds like he is lurking about. Oh well, Christmas carols are tradition, right?

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Sarah's Preschool Holiday Concert

This is Sarah's 3 yr-old preschool class during their holiday concert. We thought Sarah did a wonderful job singing and gesturing. The class sang approximately 5 songs including 12 Days of Christmas, We Wish You A Merry Christmas, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, Jingle Bells, and the song in the video, Santa Claus is Coming to Town. The video only shows half of the class, as the others didn't fit in the screen. This is the first video I have ever uploaded to the internet and it definitely was a learning experience. Now that I know how to do it, perhaps I will do more.

Friday, November 21, 2008

The rumors aren't true! Or are they??


Some of you may have wondered who the sperm donor is. Although the cryobank maintains confidential records, we are beginning to wonder. We have noticed some similarities. Sam often has red, rosy cheeks, he has a nice jiggly belly, and he loves to hand toys to Sarah. We will let you know if he starts saying, "Ho, Ho, Ho."