The Ultimate Pack Rat

I got a bill in the mail from my local fertility clinic. You see, I still have one vial of sperm from the anonymous donor I used to conceive Sarah and Sam. And for storing this lone vial, the fertility clinic is charging me $250 a year. Now, I am 99.99999% sure – no, I think I can actually say 100% sure that we are not going to have another child. Why then, am I so reluctant to dispose of this last vial of sperm? I have never wanted more than two children and neither has Deb. There is something to be said for one child per parent. I mean really, what if the children were to revolt – at least our numbers would be equal. Also, another kid means a bigger car, possibly a bigger house and more college tuition. So, yes, two children is the limit. The answer seems obvious – destroy the sperm and save $250. But then why do I keep shuffling the fertility clinic bill to the bottom of the pile to save for later? I think it is the finality of the disposal that is stopping me. It is akin to having Deb, if she were a male, get a vasectomy. It’s the end of my uterus as I know it and I don’t feel fine.

Okay, maybe I am making this into a bigger decision than it really is. Yes, I realize I could destroy the sperm and, if we were ever to change our minds, we could always find another donor. But in my mind, destroying the sperm is an acquiescence that my child bearing years are over, done with, fini. And that means that menopause is right around the corner. So the question becomes, is it worth it to spend $250 to feel young?

I think $250 is a lot of money to charge for storing one little vial. Yes, I know the fertility clinic is incurring costs for keeping the sperm on ice, but really $250?? I think the fertility clinic is taking advantage of mothers and mother-wannabes and their biological clocks. I have to wonder how much of the $250 goes to actual cost and how much of that is pure profit. I suppose the clinic has to figure out some way to pay for the fancy framed Italian prints in the examining rooms and the Williams-Sonoma hand soap in the restrooms. But again $250?? That is the same as a trip to the grocery store and to Target.

I did have the thought of showing up at the fertility clinic with an igloo cooler in hand and reclaiming that last vial of sperm so I can store it in our freezer along side Sam’s placenta that we still haven’t planted under a tree. At least if the sperm were in my house, I could save money and I can be in control of my own dwindling fertility.